


Imbroglio

by coleander



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, Platonic NagiRin, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1414780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coleander/pseuds/coleander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>noun. A difficult or intricate situation; an entanglement. </i>
</p><p>He couldn't have known that there was something so binding about crying together on a rainy bench.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cloudy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _adj. 1. Full of or covered with clouds; overcast 2. Troubled by gloom or depression._

The faint chill over his skin soaks deeper with the addition of rain and Rin can't help but think it's only appropriate.

In hours before, he would have embraced the rain with a flutter of his heart; it reminded him so dearly of Haruka that he'd have to fight the sentimental feeling of it tracing trails in the licks of his hair. He'd fight the smile and imagined scenario of fingers in place of water droplets, where Haru would be the one delicately streaming down the soft spots on his back.

He bit back the urge to scream.

A skin of metallic taste slides over his tongue and he's only further entranced into the realm of resentment. Some part of him blames Haruka - barely functioning, jittery-eyed Haruka that held his gaze for only a split second because he was "sorry, really sorry but it wouldn't work." The vague thought of Makoto brought his teeth down again and this time, he cursed. 

The rain kept his irritation bubbling, enhancing each heavy step with sliding quality. He wasn't stomping anymore, was only throwing as much of a fit as he could get away with in public. His eyes drifted around, the thought of his location hitting him for the first time since his departure from Haru's house. He had shown up unexpectedly, with a pounding head that insisted he stop running from his fears and just tell Haruka how he felt.

A good sprint away, with a soaked hood over his pounding head, Rin felt that nothing had changed much outside of the looping context of his thoughts. What was originally a monologue of encouragement was now a broken record of excuses - Haruka's explanation of "it just wouldn't work"; complete with dodgy eye-contact and what he swore was hitched breath behind the door.

Dejectedly, he supposed he could settle for an isolated bench and just sob in the rain.

He had somewhat convinced himself that tears would be perfectly hidden in this weather before meeting a counter to his argument on the bench he had rounded on. Slouched over, hood untouched and collecting a scoop of rainwater, was a blond boy shivering. Rin paused, the pit of his stomach aching terribly at the sight.

Nagisa Hazuki emitted cloudiness, as if the weather had soaked through the fabric into his entire being. Generally, he wasn't purely sunny but still rather bright, with hair like a string of lights and eyes that flickered with movement. He was supposed to be radiant, glowing in shine or showers. But with weight above his eyes, a concrete pressure in his stomach, he didn't shine like he was supposed to.

Rin slid closer, eyes probing but hesitant as he gently fell onto the bench beside the boy. Nagisa's head was facing away and down; there really wasn't as much danger of recognition as he had expected. Still, Rin can barely keep his eyes from lingering and struggles to maintain the push of burning behind his eyes.

He thinks that maybe he's caught up in a poor punchline: situational humor at its best. As his eyes dip down from the clouds, he imagines the audience rumbling in a crowd of muttered laughter; something akin to the rustle in the sky that makes Nagisa's shoulders jolt up. It's hardly a joke by any normal standards but the sheer bitterness in his mouth makes a dry chuckle slip off his tongue.

Nagisa freezes, shoulders still tense and forcefully dropped to pull himself together. There's a pause and the audience is leaning forward with bated breath - Rin's just giving him a look that he wants to be apologetic but which must look condescending. It's a shame he never learned to emote properly; it's just another matching characteristic he has with-

He shakes his head, hoping to spill out these thoughts like he would water from his ear. Nagisa finally looks at him.

He tries, chirping halfheartedly with a fading song: "Rin..," the afterthought of "-chan."

It sounds strained, like an imitation of what Nagisa Hazuki must sound like to everyone else. Rin gives it a humble 5/10, he's not buying it.

Nagisa's eyes are red-rimmed and as is his nose. Delicate red patches sprinkle the base of his eyes - where Rin remembers seeing the same feature on Gou when she had sobbed over their father some years ago - and there's a certain film over his eyes that's unmistakably tear-induced. It feels like a dream: the sun sucked out of his halo of hair and leaving a dripping brown tint to it. His eyes weren't magenta nor sparkling but a dull pink, further intensifying the redness of his puffed eyes.

"At least put your hood on," he had muttered out, flipping the fabric up and adjusting it. Nagisa paid him a courteous amount of attention, eyes drifting up despite not quite watching what was happening before them. Rin could only sympathize: mindlessly, his hands moved on their own. It could be said that he wasn’t anywhere near the bench or in the park, his head still left on the steps to Haru’s house. At least it had the company of his heart, he mused sullenly. 

The flimsy fabric wavered, slipping off instantly at the mention of wind. Not that it mattered much, Nagisa was already soaking wet. He didn't visibly change with the loss of his shelter: shoulders still drooping down, head still heavy and weighed down with hair draped over his eyes.

Rin let out a heavy sigh, because his chest had already been constricting enough but the sight of personified sunshine clouded by sadness was just spreading the ache to his stomach, and attempted comfort despite the lack of his own.  
  
"What's up with you?"

Nagisa's reaction was diluted if anything - vague panic in the sense that his eyes widened like his drooping frown was a well-kept secret, a distinct twitch of his lips as if he could still pull off a smile even with watering eyes. It made Rin's stomach churn, made his fist clench then sprawl out in a desire to fix something he'd never been confronted with in the entirety of his lifetime. It was uncomfortable sure, but the painful observance of Nagisa's drained figure set off alarms in his head and they were screeching to make it stop as soon as possible.

"Was it-," he swallowed, the name caught in his throat and bringing back the forgotten ache in his chest. He tried again, more vaguely, "Did the guys do something?"

Nagisa was still, strangely so and frustratingly so, and mechanically shook his head. He took a shaky breath and forced the corners of his lips up, eyes still scrubbed red and hands shaky, "Why would you say that Rin-chan? Like there's something wrong.."

His voice was as stiff as his spurious smile and Rin found himself relieved that he didn't attempt a laugh - it'd probably break whatever resolve was left.  

Frustrated enough, and maybe a little bitter from the constricting in his chest, Rin decided to push him anyway,"Don't bullshit me."

"I'm not-," Nagisa swallowed again, his eyes notably tearing up before he somehow willed it back down, "I'm not. Really, I'm-"

'Fine' must have been what he meant to say, something along those lines. Rin had heard it before, enough times from his own mouth, and decided that Nagisa was not going to make the same mistakes he had for years. In place of denial came affection, Rin lunging forward and pulling Nagisa into his arms.

The tears were immediate, so full and rich that they streamed faster than the pouring rain. Nagisa, predictably, shattered in his embrace.

Rin closed his eyes, absorbed the feeling of body heat spread over the distinct ache in his chest and felt something crack. He bit his lip, sucked in a gulp of air, then proceeded to join Nagisa in his unrestricted sobbing.

For a moment, they were no longer separated. The troubles didn't matter, the rain didn't matter; the only care either had was the comfort of another, the hug of a person that wasn't the one they'd craved for but it didn't seem so with eyes shut tight. Rin had distinctly heard a name gasped out between the crumbling sobs Nagisa had wailed out, though it was soft and uncertain like a forbidden territory Nagisa had dared stumble into.

So, with sudden clarity, Rin realized that this was about Rei.   
  
He pulled away, brushed Nagisa's bangs from his eyes and decided that if the blond could breathe then he could explain, "What did he do?"

Nagisa was busy hiccuping, attempting speech but restricted between quick breaths,   
  
"N-Nothing."

"I said not to bull-"

"He didn't do anything," this time with sureness, though the deep frown was still on Nagisa's lips, "I was just thinking about him."

Rin took the answer but didn't back down; there was a certain binding of emotion that came with crying in another guy's arms and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to at least get some answers after that, "While you were sobbing your eyes out?"

"Yeah," Nagisa sniffled, tried to play it off but heaved out a sigh because he'd been caught and he'd have to talk now, "I'm in love with him."

Surprisingly, he didn't flinch. Rin had suspected it was something like that, though he wasn't sure how it tied into whatever wracked Nagisa's spirit enough for him to sit out in the rain trying not to cry. He tried again, a little more sensitive this time around, "That's fine, Nagisa. There's nothing wrong with that."

The blond shook his head immediately, as if conditioned to do so, "No, there is. There really is."

"Nagisa, no one cares if-"

"My dad does."

Oh. That explained everything rather easily, Rin mused. He supposed this problem was a lot bigger than he'd expected. With his arms still wrapped snugly around the smaller boy, he gave a small squeeze. Nagisa knew just how to bring out the brother in him and in the privacy of their embrace, he didn't think it'd be asking too much for a little supportive affection.

"So, did you-?" He didn't want to say it, he knew it was implied by the way Nagisa was steadily avoiding the subject. The blond nodded, a sad smile seeping out with the tears that began forming again in his eyes.

"I have a backpack," Nagisa sniffed, gestured vaguely to the bag on the other side of the bench that was no doubt soaked through by now, "My oldest sister said she'd take me in but she lives kinda far from here."

Even when he was knee-deep in his own troubles, Nagisa still thought dearly of his friends. Or maybe it was just Rei he was concerned about; either way, it was a strange mix of selfish desire and selfless companionship.

"The second-oldest has a roommate already," he continued, wiping at his eyes and sighing dejectedly, "The youngest lives with us still, so.."

Another squeeze, gentle with the added touch of Rin rubbing his hand in circles over Nagisa's back. It seemed to be helping him keep calm - sensitive to Nagisa's constant need for physical comfort and Rin's searching for a distraction to keep him level-headed. Vaguely, he noticed the sheet of rain lighten, a dusting of mist layered over their already dampened clothing.

"Tell Makoto," it was immediate and natural, the instinct he'd been trying to deny himself. If anything, Makoto already knew his own situation and was almost certain to have been the reason for tension already in the air. Rin took in a deep breath, allowed himself to get a little lost in the warmth Nagisa provided, and listened with his head resting on Nagisa's shoulder as the blond spoke.

"His house is already full, he has two kids to take care of," the tone was troubled but longing. Nagisa must have been facing the same denial of Makoto's help Rin had, "He wouldn't say no - of course he wouldn't, he's Mako-chan - but still. Only if I can't find any other solution."

The youngest of the two seemed mature enough for the both of them, speaking calmly now that he'd gotten over his phase of pretend. He was accepting the reality without much of a pause and sorting through his options. Rin mentally bet himself that Nagisa would've fared better in Australia than he had.

The most obvious answer was tingling on Rin's tongue, his head snapping at him to just say it while also faintly cursing Nagisa for not stating it already. There was one person missing from the conversation, one very important and very capable person that Nagisa must have been begging to have brought up. Dutifully, with a barely functioning throat by this point, Rin stated the obvious: "What about Haru?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout-out to super dope beta [Oceanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania) and their AH fanfic you should check out


	2. Prudent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _adj. Careful about one’s conduct; circumspect._

The walk back was uncomfortable. 

Sitting openly in the rain had definitely not been the best of his decisions what with the way his jeans desperately clung to his skin; much like Nagisa’s refusal to dislodge from his arm but he wasn’t about to shrug him off after their bonding session. Rin recognized the need for touch in comfort and knew that Nagisa needed this to properly soak up the streams of sunlight peeking out between passing storm clouds.

The rain had let up soon after the final decision had been made. It was suspicious and cliche and Rin was still on-edge about the heavy possibility of his life being some kind of shitty television drama. He’d have to cross his fingers in hopes that it was the more innocent kind - without guns or illegitimate children that showed up on your doorstep one day.   
  
It was with this new enlightenment that he faced the stairs to Haru’s house with a strong, sinking frown. Fortunately, Nagisa was already drifting into half-sleep stages, tuckered out but somehow still walking despite it all. He had stayed rather quiet; minding Rin’s growing migraine from pushing so many tears out of his face.   
  
Unfortunately, that meant that Rin, all by his lonesome in drying jeans nearly two hours later, would be the one to speak with Haru.   
  
Nagisa’s hyperawareness of tact and social rules may have been his saving grace in any situation involving awkward encounters and somehow, even with the little blond curled up and leaning heavily on Rin’s side, he remained the center of normality once Haru opened the door.   
  
If it wasn’t for the little bundle of blues, Rin was sure that Haru would have slammed the door right in his face should the immediate look of panic tell him anything. Nagisa had perked up, however, regaining composure and looking up at Haru with those red-rimmed eyes that effortlessly bared his soul with one glance.   
  
Haru opened the door wider, giving Rin a borderline glaring look before letting Nagisa in. His hand was guiding the blond and leading him despite the fact that his eyes never left Rin.   
  
He was blaming him for this, that much was obvious. Defensive measures flared up in his head, though the energy wasn’t there and he’d just have to wait to get properly pissed off at Haru another time.   
  
Right now it was Nagisa that mattered and Nagisa that kept two otherwise damaged links together.   
  
“Nagisa,” Haru prompted him, finally tearing his gaze away and settling it on the boy he’d guided to his living room floor, “You were crying.”

Nagisa rubbed his eyes - Rin cringed because that had to have hurt by now - and hummed, “I got kicked out, Haru-chan.”   
  
Under most circumstances, Rin would choose to resent Makoto’s relationship with Haru - even if the idiot was really only living because he essentially had a babysitter of a best friend. But the gentleness that Haru displayed towards Nagisa, easily pulling him in and resting the boy against his chest in a very Makoto manner, couldn’t have been a negative thing.   
  
Maybe it was better that Haru rejected him. After all, Makoto had had so much influence on Haru that while Haru was the one he’d fallen for, it’d be impossible to not catch those little but very distinct actions of Makoto’s habits in Haru’s daily life. They were a packaged deal and Rin, bitter to the end, would have to suck it up.   
  
“You’re staying here,” Haru had assured the blond, very tenderly running his fingers over Nagisa’s hair and effectively lulling him to sleep.   
  
Before Nagisa could collapse into a temporary addition to the living room decor, Haru took his hand and led him to his bedroom. Rin hesitated to follow.   
  
He still felt Makoto’s presence in the air and didn’t really want to rub more salt in such a fresh wound. If Makoto was still around, he was excellent at hiding and even better at fighting his natural urge to coddle those in need.

There was also the factor of Haru’s bedroom: a place Makoto must have memorized down to the carpet fibers or may have marked with remnants of his own life; a shirt of Makoto’s Haru forgot to return, the faint smell of Makoto on the pillows and blankets and soaked into the sheets where they might have-   
“Rin.”   
  
Short, clipped, undoubtedly Haru.   
  
“I didn’t do anything to him, if that’s what those glares meant,” he spat back, the strong kick of his anger still very lively in his tone, “I found him crying in the rain.”   
  
“What happened to him?” Still very protective, faintly unsatisfied. Haru didn’t trust him or his words and that was fine, he didn’t have anything to hide anyway.   
  
“He told you, he got kicked out.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Maybe you should wait and ask, it’s not mine to tell-”   
  
“Rin,” sharp, cutting. Haru always knew how to get straight to the point; straight to his core.   
  
“If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you,” Rin held it together, trying to keep his jaw loose and  relaxed. The tension was spread over his back, into his aching hands that’d become too acquainted with the form of fists.   
  
Haru wasn’t the one shaking with rage,  wasn’t the one with pain snaking up his throat and trying to push its way into the air. Rin mused that his body somehow stayed together, even when his head and heart seemed so vastly separated by intent and desire.   
  
His heart, beaten and angry, wanted to scream. His head reminded him of Nagisa, slumbering and drained and not needing an outburst to break him from a well-deserved rest.  
  
When the silence became tension and the pressure began to clutch their still throats, Haru shifted and gracefully switched concerns: “Makoto will be worried.”

It was a distasteful excuse that couldn’t be shaken. It was choking, sinking into his skin and wrapping tightly around the base of his neck.

He wished it would squeeze without mercy.

“Makoto,” a name that tasted so sweet but sour on his lips, “would wait for him to wake up.”

The room filled with buzzing silence, their minds busy with noise that only broadened into a crescendo. Haru spoke up first, looking head-on with an expression of feigned confidence and stability. He might have said it was fear, if he were as perceptive and practiced as Makoto.   
  
“I’m sorry,” his voice was just above a whisper, humming low and apologetically, “Rin, I really am.”  
  
He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, waiting and waiting. An explanation made things concrete. An apology, a voice so morose and thick like oozing molasses on his wounds - it wasn’t something he’d really wanted.   
  
“Make sure he calls me,” he turned, reached for a pen to scratch his number onto a scrap of paper from his pocket, “I don’t care if it’s a midnight or any weird hour, just tell him to call me.”   
  
Haru had solid eyes - ones that always looked watery but never leaked, always full of a weight incomprehensible to those around him. Rin kept them away from seeing his liquid ones so prone to damage.   
  
“Rin, we should-”   
  
“I have studies tomorrow, I’ll check up on him later-”   
  
“-he’s not going wake up for at least-”   
  
“Tell Makoto to give him some space.”   
  
“-Rin, we really need to-”   
  
The door slammed shut, he hovered on the doorstep. It didn’t open behind him.   
  
He marched on, into the rift of sunlight embraced by parted clouds.   
  


 

 

His phone decided to ring a half-hour before midnight.

He’d bolted up, rubbed his eyes and fumbled for his phone hidden both in the dark and the mess of sheets he’d burrowed into.   
  
Ai had whined faintly but expressed nothing else, not even a blink at Rin’s rush to move outside with a blaring phone in his hand.   
  
Once in the light, he looked down to see Haru’s name. His heart skipped. He swallowed thickly and answered with a heavy sigh.   
  
“What?”   
  
A light voice answered, “Rin-chan! I thought you’d be asleep.”   
  
His stomach shouldn’t have contorted the way it did. His heart shouldn’t have dropped to his feet.   
  
“I was,” he’d tried mimicking his usual attitude but the edge wasn’t there. Nagisa wouldn’t say anything.   
  
“Oh, sorry! Haru-chan pushed the phone at me right when I woke up and said to call you, so I did.”   
  
He sounded mostly rested with a voice soft and crackling with the dips in his speech. Rin wondered if he’d eaten and hoped Haru wasn’t completely incapable.   
  
His heart fluttered, he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip.   
  
“You sound better. Make Haru stay up and make you something to eat.”   
  
“No need,” it was simple, pleased with a tinge of amusement, “Mako-chan came over with a lot of food his mom made for me. You could fill a whole room with all that food!”   
  
Of course Makoto came over, he was a caretaker and Haru’s go-to for immediate comfort. Rin pinched himself, tightened his grip on the phone and felt thankful that Nagisa wasn’t around to pick up on the tension. Obliviously, Nagisa marched on.

“Him and Haru-chan have been whispering to each other a lot, making weird faces and looking at me funny,” the blond sighed dramatically but with amusement in his tone, no doubt smiling on the other side, “I think they’re trying to figure out why I showed up with you by my side.”   
  
“Haru knows,” Rin had stated instantly, having the words slip out of his mouth before he’d even realized what came out. He swallowed, eyes widening at the mistake. Cautiously, his thumb traced over the ‘end call’ button.   
  
“Yeah? He said something happened earlier.”   
  
There was a pause not far from the same thoughtful muteness the rain had offered. The silence between them was full of potential for a confession, a quiet utterance of truth that no doubt Nagisa had rightfully earned.   
  
But Rin wasn’t into dramas and he’d never asked to be the starring role.  
  
“Nagisa, look. I’m not going to lie to you.”   
  
He deserved to have his tongue ripped out. It was always lashing out, moving on its own accord that often resulted in frustrations, tears, deep regret. He should stop himself now before the full weight of his own lies toppled onto his back and held him down - where he’d be helpless and blubbering with secrets spilling from his desperate lips.   
  
And like the very epitome of a desperate man, Rin took advantage of the disconnect of a solely audio conversation and lied through clenched teeth.   
  
“We had a fight, okay? It’s a little awkward right now-”   
  
“Rin-chan, that’s not fair.”   
  
He swallowed, held his breath, and kept up the facade he’d worked so hard to polish.   
  
“Nagisa, it’s stupid and petty but it’s not-”   
  
“I told you about Rei-chan,” Rin could feel the smile drop, Nagisa leaning forward and taking in the darker specks in his eyes and knowing, without even being there in person, that something was very wrong, “You should tell me the truth.”   
  
And he’d wanted to. In a blink, a shutter of a breath and a deep chill in his spine, Rin had felt his defenses weaken at the knees. If Nagisa was the glue - clingy but strong, somehow linking any two parts together - then he’d have to trust that no matter how far from reality he’d find himself, Nagisa could stick himself right in between and bring him back home.  
  
Glossy-eyed, Rin spoke.   
  
“It’s the same.”   
  
Nagisa hummed. The background noise registered in his silence, first quiet with the shifting of sheets then very distinguishable as a name was called through the air - too loud and practiced to be anyone but Makoto. Rin felt himself shudder; how homey, how domestic.   
  
“I need to go now. The bathroom’s finally open.”   
  
If he’d forgotten Haru was involved in the mess, he surely felt the fact slap him upside the head.   
  
“But, anyway, Rin-chan?”   
  
He made a grunting noise, still too shaken by his near-confession to say much else.   
  
“I just got kicked out and had to be homeless for a little bit before the sun decided to shine back on me again, but it did and now I’m okay. And you know what? The sun’s definitely coming your way next! Alright?”   
  
The words felt warm to his ears but hollow to his body. He sighed, *and agreed anyway - because Nagisa couldn’t have expected much to begin with - and muttered a quick ‘goodnight’ before hanging up.   
  
He slouched against the wall, looked down to the floor and visibly deflated. Whatever semblance of trust in the world he had left had been placed in Nagisa’s hands and he hoped with a sweltering heart that something would come out of this against his better judgement.   
  
He moved from the wall, kicked his feet forward and against the floor. He hadn’t thrown a temper tantrum in ages and felt the same frustration beginning to arise. Rin willed it down, taking deep breaths and trying to exhale the simmering anger in his veins.   
  
As he re-entered the shared bedroom, his phone vibrated in his hand. Seeing Haru’s name flash on his screen yet again, he wondered if Nagisa would have given the phone back or kept it as his own. He took in a breath and opened the message without a second thought, the feeling akin to ripping off a band-aid in a lapse of bravery.   
  
The screen filled with a picture of Nagisa: his slender body naked mid-torso but otherwise submerged in a sea of frothy white, hair whipped up with suds and bubbles in the backdrop of the bathroom wall. He was laughing, hands styling his dampened hair into two large spikes on his head.   
  
It was short and sweet - a sign that Nagisa was okay and he could be too with some time.   
  
Rin closed the message, saved the picture and clambered back into bed, placing his phone a little ways from his pillow.   
  
It wasn’t until the morning that he realized someone else had to have taken the picture. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, big huge nod to the hella dope beta [Oceanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania) and their tolerance of my angsty crap okay cool  
> chat me up on [tumblr](http://rosemondcole.tumblr.com)  
> if you wanna express Free! feelings  
> man i love hyperlinks


	3. Opaque

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _adj. 1. Not transparent; impenetrable to light. 2. Hard to understand._

He’d almost forgotten the sight of water shimmering under sunlight. It was mystical, dancing with accents of pure white and it was no wonder Haru was already changed and walking out the locker room as Rin trudged inside.   
  
He’d come to check on Nagisa two days after the incident, because a buzzing in his head said that a picture was worth a thousand words but the little blond was a chatterbox that was worth more than a moment. He’d dragged himself to the school, wandered a bit in a promise to himself that if he didn’t find the pool within ten minutes, he’d leave and say he tried.   
  
It took nine minutes and Makoto greeted him with a smile.   
  
“It’s been a while,” the brunette’s eyebrows lifted too casually; it made Rin’s stomach hurt, “Just coming to check on us?”   
  
“Nagisa,” Rin corrected effortlessly, instead putting his energy into staring at the cubbies connecting the spaces with each swimmer. He spotted a dolphin keychain and his eyes darted up to Makoto then immediately back down, his head tipping forward in silence.   
  
When he worked up the courage to make eye-contact again, Makoto was frowning.   
  
“He’s been better but still...a little off,” his voice was soft and cautious, maybe remembering. Rin wondered if Nagisa had cried again.   
  
“Haru’s been-,” his voice caught.   
  
Rin looked him in the eye and suddenly, Makoto was silent. His arm had moved to cover his mouth but he’d resisted, instead swallowing thickly and directing his gaze anywhere but into Rin’s eyes.   
  
So, he knew.   
  
“It’s fine,” Rin spat out, unintentionally snappy, “I’m not that fragile, you know.”

Makoto nodded but kept his mouth controlled. Apologetically, he offered a smile and rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
“Yeah, I know but,” he swallowed again, his voice shook and Rin feared he might actually tear up, “I...I don’t know.”

Rin wanted so badly to be angry. He wanted to yell at him, to toss his passive resentment out the window and get confrontational - to challenge the wobbly smile Makoto was wearing for him and demand that he speak from the truth and not from courtesy.   
  
He wanted to fight him. Of course, they both knew the trophy wasn’t changing anytime soon.   
  
“Is he out there yet?” In a beat, Rin clarified, “Nagisa, I mean.”   
  
Makoto nodded again; always so careful and considerate. Rin wondered if he’d be so polite if they had switched places. Frustratingly, he knew he would - he didn’t have it in him to antagonize Makoto.   
  
When Rin was inches away from exiting the room, Makoto came back to his senses, “He’s-- He’s been avoiding Rei.”   
  
Rin shook his head; if Haru knew the reason he wasn’t telling Makoto. So there were things they didn’t share after all.   
  
They met eyes and Rin was sure Makoto was oblivious to the underlying reason. He was just concerned of course, any subtle shift in the team was always large and flashing to the captain. Rin considered telling him but decided against it - it still wasn’t his to tell.

“I’ll keep an eye out,” he offered before leaving to the pool. 

 

 

For someone who had never been to an Iwatobi swim practice, Rin was sure this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.   
  
From their joint practices, he had recalled bouts of laughter between intense focus, lingering touches and arms looped around another’s shoulders because they were a team and a team stuck together.   
  
Nagisa kept them together; he was the clingy, forceful glue that kept each member engaged when they started slipping. With the blond on a mental holiday, or maybe so empty-headed that his body was the only thing really moving, Rin was sure that the team wasn’t as there as it should have been.   
  
Rei had been fluttering around him, asking about minute details of his form or his times or his diving, Makoto had been so overwhelmed by everyone’s dysfunction that he was constantly glancing in every direction in an attempt to soak in all their strange behavior. Haru was swimming quietly as usual but almost slipped when Makoto pulled him out of the water.  
  
Somehow Nagisa was the worst of them.   
  
He splashed at the others, kicked his feet too hard, tired himself out half an hour in and was entirely oblivious to it all.   
  
“He’s going to sprain something,” Rin mumbled to the air, watching while Nagisa dove down for his timed lap. He was concentrated enough to function well but his strokes were inconsistent - one minute trying too hard, the next trying to calm down.   
  
Maybe he was aware after all.   
  
“His heart’s not in it.”   
  
Rin tensed. His body was screaming at him to turn and look, as it normally would with anyone around, but he’d recognized that voice from the instant it met the air: Haru. He swallowed thickly and decided to be an adult about this.   
  
“What do you know about his heart?” He grumbled back.   
  
Haru made a noise, something of an offended snort. Rin held his breath.   
  
“Rin,” he sighed, heavy and sorry, “Is this really about Nagisa?”   
  
First and foremost, he was offended. While he might have been a very emotion-plagued guy, Rin felt that he should at least be given enough credit to where he wasn’t to be assumed fake-caring about a friend in some weird twist of spite. He hadn’t even thought to ask about Haru or his status or if he even really cared about the confession.   
  
Maybe he had, in passing. That didn’t mean Nagisa wasn’t his priority in this mess, however.   
  
He frowned, bared his pointed canines and faced the other in huff, “Makoto’s world may revolve around you, but that doesn’t mean mine does. Haruka.”   
  
In response, Haru looked upset. His gaze dropped, he nodded and returned to the pool.

 

 

The strangest part of Nagisa’s new behavior was undoubtedly his attitude towards Rei.   
  
One moment he was staring longingly, fingers drumming or sprawled out as if he was aching to grab ahold of something. Then something would shake the boy, he’d blink rapidly, turn his head down and away and distract himself with something.   
  
Of course, that was from far away. Up close, when they were in the same vicinity or even in an attempt to engage conversation, Nagisa would lock up. He’d look up at Rei then swallow, eyes wide from a brief second, then force his lips together in a firm line.   
  
He’d answer questions if they were important, words clipped and strained, but otherwise would throw himself at the others, trying wholeheartedly to appear too busy or distracted for Rei’s time. There was some consideration in his approach at least - he never flat-out ignored Rei without at least trying to justify it somehow. He wasn’t cruel, just scared.   
  
Even halfway through practice, Rei would have been a fool not to notice. Quietly, he’d taken Rin to the side and spoken with a voice too soft for his hardy disposition.   
  
“Makoto-senpai said you might know something,” he swallowed, sighed defeatedly, “I don’t know what I’ve done but he seems to think it’s not worth his time trying to make things better.”   
  
“You’re kidding,” Rin crossed his arms, leaned against the wall of the outside of the locker rooms and shook his head, “Nagisa seems to think it’s the only thing worth his time, he spent all of practice trying so hard. It’s taken over everything else.”   
  
Rei considered it, his head tilting slightly as he processed it all. Rin wondered if Rei had calculated the minutes Nagisa spent actively avoiding him. From the deepening frown, he might have kept track of more than that.   
  
“But I still don’t know what I’ve done. The least he could do is tell me that much.”   
  
Rei was a fixer, a do-er. He was an action type of guy, one that didn’t like stewing in emotion without finding a reasonable solution. He saw points A and B and did his darndest to connect the two through whatever method he’d like. A true math-oriented man.   
  
Rin, however, got caught up in technicalities. He didn’t know the rules of the game and he didn’t care to follow them when he did. He didn’t cheat, but he didn’t discourage it. However, he wasn’t the biggest of gamblers - or rather, never knew quite when to double down or when to fold. He chose to play it safe.   
  
“Give him some time,” he could clearly see the disappointment in Rei’s eyes, he eyed the shine of his glasses in place of eye-contact, “He just needs to sort things out.”   
  
Rei gave him a moment of hope before stepping forward, grabbing hold of Rin’s arm and pulling him forward. It wasn’t violent but instead pleading; desperate.   
  
“Rin-san, please,” for a moment, Rin thought tears might have been forming - he wedged his eyes shut in panic, “If you know something, please tell me.”   
  
Rin brushed him off easily and sorted himself out, throwing a glance to Rei’s earnest stare before pointedly looking away. He bit into his lip, mentally scolding himself for being so obvious. He couldn’t lie to Makoto or Nagisa, could only snap at Haru and now was crumbling under Rei’s gaze.   
  
Friendship was his biggest weakness, he supposed.   
  
“Look, Rei,” he heaved out a sigh, looked the other in the eye and spoke as clearly as he could, “If it’s bothering you that much, ask Nagisa yourself.”   
  
Maybe the aggressive method wasn’t the best, but Nagisa couldn’t go much longer without cracking anyway. He couldn’t avoid Rei forever - that much was obvious.   
  
“And if he can’t face you then,” Rin pushed back the bitterness in his throat, allowed himself to cross into the same murky territory he avoided so well, “Ask Haru.”   
  
Rei took the answer, though gave him a questioning once-over at the final suggestion. He seemed satiated for now and nodded; either accepting of the advice or accepting that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Rin. He uttered a quiet ‘thank you’, bowing slightly probably out of habit more than anything, and hurried back to the pool.

 

 

Practice wrapped up uneventfully.   
  
Rin had taken to counting the number of times Nagisa looked like he was going to keel over from either restricting himself to talking to Haru’s floating frame or Makoto’s attempt at normalcy and figured that sixteen was definitely not a healthy number to end on.   
  
Luckily, he’d gotten an extra seventeen as the members clambered out of the pool and Rei had taken the initiative to confront Nagisa. He’d just barely brushed over the blond’s dripping back before Nagisa had thrown himself into Makoto, who was walking beside the two and tripped into the wall of the locker room door. He’d scolded Nagisa, who laughed it off and claimed playfulness while Rei watched, crestfallen.   
  
Rin had settled on waiting for Nagisa to emerge, vaguely hoping he didn’t cause any more tumbles out of sheer panic. There was no need to follow into the locker room, he wasn’t swimming and didn’t really want to engage in conversation with the two chronic worriers, one depressing mess of a boy or Haru.  
  
Overall, he was pretty content with idly chatting with Gou over by the fence looping around the swimming area. She supplied conversation to get his mind off of the drama, at least for a solid ten minutes, before diving in for the kill.   
  
“What’s wrong with Nagisa?” She asked offhandedly while scratching marks into a sheet on her clipboard. Rin wondered if he could fall into the pool from the distance he was at.   
  
“I don’t know, ask him,” he answered weakly.   
  
“Or you could just tell me,” she was writing rather aggressively now, scribbling something down then looking him dead in the eyes, “Since you came to see him and all.”   
  
For such a kindhearted guy, Makoto had little control of his own mouth. Rin crossed his arms and cursed the power of friendship.   
  
“I just happened to be there when he was struggling, okay?”   
  
Gou shook her head, “There’s more. Why is he avoiding Rei?”   
  
Here he was, back in the realm of morality and he was beginning to wish he’d wandered in the other direction from Haru’s house that fateful afternoon. Rin closed his eyes, blew out a stream of internal swears, and spoke firmly.  
  
“I just happened to bump into him, don’t think there’s anything more to this. I found him on the bench in the park crying and he told me he got kicked out of his house for-,” his voice hitched, he trudged on, “For..his sexuality. I brought him to Haru’s house and he’s living there now.”   
  
Gou watched him with unnerving concentration. She nodded slowly, taking in the details and returning to scribbling something on her clipboard.   
  
“And Rei?”   
  
Rin shifted, watching her now. Her face was still, not unemotional but strong and understanding. She tapped the pen, eyes rolling up to him and blinking expectantly.   
  
So, she knew.   
  
In response, Rin shrugged. She took it as a valid answer and sighed, pulling out the paper from her clipboard. Delicately, she handed it to him and moved to collect her things. He followed distractedly, looking down to the paper.   
  
It was a long list titled ‘Nagisa Recovery Plan’ with small doodles of the boy on either side; one of him with tears on the right and one with him smiling widely on the left.   
  
Underneath were suggestions to cheer him up and written in bold was a direct order from the manager: “No more crying.”

He folded the paper neatly, slipped it into his pocket and walked her home in the fading sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention cool cat beta [Oceanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania) and the amounf of thanks i have for them cause it's totally huge ! thank you so much to anyone for comments/kudos/bookmarks and if you wanna chat about Free! or anything ReiGisa i am totally [here](http://rosemondcole.tumblr.com) for you


	4. Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _noun. Something that corrects an evil, fault or error._

Rin often wondered what had propelled his existence to clash into that of the band of Iwatobi boneheads.  
  
They were all so jam-packed with problems, so delicate but unblinking as they charged forward and honestly, he was beginning to wonder why he had to be the guy sentenced to a life of dealing with a few guys he swam a relay with once. Apparently water just had a binding property; through rain, through pools, through sloppy public gym showers he found himself stepping out of and into the face of Makoto Tachibana.   
  
In the least of leasts, Rin decided that Makoto was the sanest of them all after having Nagisa resign from his title of stability (much like he resigned from any interaction with Rei). So, really, it should have been more of a welcome sigh of relief than a tight ball of nerves in his stomach.   
  
His conscience had suggested to give off a greeting but, of course, the only thing that slipped past his lips was a flustered, “What the fuck are _you_ doing here?”

Makoto had gone red in the ears, swallowed harshly and scrambled away for more than a towel to cover himself. For a swimmer, Makoto was oddly modest and wouldn’t properly face him until he had a denim waistband hanging off his hips.   
  
In contrast, Rin waited with a towel sloping down past his navel.   
  
“Ah, sorry,” already apologizing, the brunette fumbled with his words and offered a sheepish grin, “I wasn’t following or anything, I swear.”   
  
“Yeah, you’re not the type,” Rin concluded.   
  
Makoto nodded, ran a hand through his mussed hair and laughed lightly. Rin rolled his eyes, because staying mad at Makoto was too much of a thorn in his flesh, and got to dressing.

As his shirt fell over his back, Makoto spoke up.   
  
“Nagisa isn’t talking,” he stopped himself, a breath for correction, “Or, he won’t _stop_ talking. About everything, anything he can think of that isn’t important.”   
  
“Tell him to shut up,” Rin advised, tugging on his pants with a frown, “He’ll crack in a few hours.”   
  
“We shouldn’t push him, Rin,” Makoto countered, his ‘big brother’ tone coming out. Rin could practically taste the disapproving finger-wag behind his back.   
  
“He won’t spill anything otherwise. You don’t give him enough credit,” Rin sighed, thought vaguely about his past actions and self-imposed silence, “He’s good at pretending, you know. Not good enough to go unnoticed but just enough to get by.”   
  
Makoto listened, eyes softening as he sat quietly. His shoulders sagged down and he met Rin’s eyes, “He’s told you what’s wrong, then?”

Reluctantly, Rin nodded.   
  
He bit his lip, left the courage to Nagisa, and shifted,“He needs someone to question him. He wants to talk, he just won’t let himself.”  
  
Makoto frowned, “Not just anyone, though?”   
  
“Anyone but Rei,” Rin added quickly, he reconsidered immediately after, “Or only Rei.”   
  
Makoto watched him blankly. His lips moved to speak then it seemed to hit him - a small sound escaped, he promptly covered his mouth. Rin wasn’t sure why things seemed to hit Makoto so strongly, or why he felt the need to physically silence himself as if his thoughts would tumble out if he wasn’t careful.   
  
“Yes?” He questioned, raising a brow at the other’s strange behavior, “What is it now?”   
  
Makoto shook his head, blinking up at Rin and carefully removing his hand from his face. He took a deep breath, the sign of a decision being made, and spoke in a mouse’s voice, “Is it the same?”   
  
How cryptic. Rin wanted to scoff, threw glances around the locker room as if he’d see a production crew leaning forward in anticipation of his answer. Maybe it was the influence of television dramas that made people speak as if they were the climax of an emotion-heavy picture, and it wasn’t entirely out of the question to think Makoto might have been an avid fan of such monstrosities.  
  
Either way, he needed to decide if he was going to even acknowledge the undertones of atonement in Makoto’s tone. Rin folded up his clothes, stuffed them in his bag, and gestured for Makoto to follow.   
  
He did so accordingly, focused intently on the ground and appearing like a large Saint Bernard with his eyes are ears drooped in eternal apology. They made it outside without a single breath or pause, Rin striding ahead and hovering a few feet from the public gym before whirling around and getting a good look at just how sorry Makoto was.   
  
In a blink, he regretted ever looking.   
  
“Whatever we’re about to talk about isn’t leaving this spot, okay?” Rin pressed a finger into the other’s chest, threatening without aggression to back it up.   
  
Makoto nodded, still trained on the vacant spot between their feet. He was so pitiful, so guilt-ridden that Rin could almost feel the distinct burn of bile clawing up his throat.   
  
He closed his eyes, breath shaky as he exhaled.  
  
“Yes,” he answered finally, “It’s the same, okay? It’s just.. _he_ hasn’t gotten rejected.”   
  
For a split second, Makoto looked up. Their eyes met, the thick honey-green of his friend boring into Rin’s eyes and he wanted to scream. He wanted to shove him over, punch him or kick him and ground him into the dirt beneath their feet and forget that he was second-best; the afterthought.   
  
Makoto flinched, sharply looked back down in shame and blinked furiously. Rin wanted to smack him.

“Makoto, stop avoiding it,” his tone was harsh but quiet, too quiet to be honestly angry but rather frustrated at this turn of events. He wanted Makoto to boast, to make an ass of himself so he could properly be upset with him and maybe grow to learn that Haru just had poor taste in guys.

“Sorry,” Makoto gasped, a hitch in his breath and he looked about ready to crumble into the ground, to have Rin walk over him and stomp his feet into him without mercy, “Sorry, Rin, I’m so _sorry_.”

“Don’t,” Rin warned, he stepped forward, grabbed hold of Makoto’s arm and quickly moved to hold him by the shoulders, “Don’t apologize for being better, Makoto.”   
  
“I’m not-,” he shuddered, eyes widening as they locked onto Rin and they trembled, floundered under the direct gaze, “I don’t deserve him, _you_ do. Of all people, it’s you, Rin-”  
  
“Shut up,” Rin snapped.   
  
“Listen, I hate sore losers,” because they reminded Rin of himself, it hit closer to home and closer to his shelter of self-irritation that rolled around in his head, “But most of all, I hate sore winners. So shut up, accept it. You won a long time ago.”   
  
“Which means no more apologizing,” he leaned up, close to Makoto and grinding his teeth, “Don’t be ashamed of someone that loves you.”   
  
His throat was being ripped apart, it felt tight and he nearly choked on the last words. Makoto stared at him, blinked at him, and closed his eyes. Slowly, he loosened his shoulders and Rin dropped his hands, moving back to give Makoto breathing room, and sighed.

It was then that Makoto moved, his eyes hovering and flickering in a way that resembled what Rin could only presume was his boyfriend and if that wasn't the most unneeded reminder in the universe, he didn't know what was. It was painful, a tick in his chest that echoed like a bomb, but he held it in place.   
  
Makoto wasn't to blame, but it didn't matter when it came to Haruka - it never did. There was always a tension between them, one that Rin couldn't imagine wasn't mutual with the support of lingering stares Makoto would occasionally give him.  
  
It was vaguely endearing in the sense that it could have been Haru doing the same gesture, but sickening to know that no, that wasn't Haru but instead his deserving partner that had simply seen so much of Haru that he had ingrained his habits into his own life.

Disgusting, really.

“Rin,” it was his turn to look down, to keep his head down and defeated, “Are you okay?”   
  
Rin focused on his breathing. He remembered years ago, jogging in the setting sun beside a group of boys and watching Haru beside him. He’d always been so focused on the horizon, where Haru would sometimes linger ahead but never behind - he was always so close, so visible.   
  
No one ever told Nagisa to breathe through his nose. He was always there in spirit, through his whining voice huffing for air and desperately keeping within a few feet, but not once did someone turn around to listen or provide support. With a smile, he’d suffered and pushed through with the one goal of friendship and inclusion.   
  
It took a strong brand of loneliness, one Rin had ignored in favor of his own narrow sight for Haru and it was only now that he resolved to keep Nagisa from falling back into the caboose of their stampede of drama.   
  
This wasn’t about him. This wasn’t about his petty feelings - they’d all overdosed on his bitter pride and it was honestly the last thing they needed. Right now, Nagisa needed him. Nagisa needed someone that was the same - except, better because he was still fresh and barely sprouting in his love for another.   
  
He hadn’t screwed it up yet. Rin, tense and determined, refused to let him.   
  
“Let’s go,” he threw a glance at Makoto, who was still so shaken and pale-faced from the confrontation that he merely blinked, “I need to talk to Nagisa, in person.”   
  
Makoto stood taller, uttered a breathless ‘okay’ and led the way.   
  
  


 

At the door, Haru had hardly given him an ounce of attention.   
  
His eyes zeroed in on Makoto, who had lumbered into him with a stride that dragged his feet lazily. Makoto was drained but smiled with eyes resembling newly-lit candles. Haru was not impressed. He grabbed at Makoto, first by the wrist then trickling down into laced fingers, and kept a close eye on his movements as they parted from Rin without a word.   
  
He supposed it was a telepathy thing, how Haru hard instantly known there was something off about his boyfriend with a single look and couldn’t fathom wasting a second not knowing what it was.   
  
Rin lingered, let himself inside and cautiously wandered the hall until he saw a bundle of blankets topped with bobbing blonde hair sat in the guest room. Nagisa was on the floor with a game controller, probably having claimed Haru’s game console moments after discovering it and tilted with the actions on the screen as he focused intently on the game.

Rin stepped into the bedroom, peering at him from the doorway and wondering if the faint sound of humming chatter would be distinguishable from a dismissible foot or two away from the door. These thoughts were blotted out with Nagisa’s focus, however as he turned to properly greet Rin upon realizing his presence.   
  
“Rin-chan,” his voice was soft and familiar, “How are you?”   
  
It felt like poor quality audio, like someone had muted Nagisa’s usual speech and kept the sounds around them at a reasonable volume. But Nagisa was too quiet, too reserved.   
  
“Pissed off,” Rin answered, taking a seat beside him and tugging at the blankets draped around the boy, “You’re being kind of difficult, you know.”   
  
Nagisa hummed, thumbed over the controller as if asking permission to resume the game. Rin shrugged and got a thankful smile in return.   
  
“Either you’re thinking too much or not enough,” Rin continued, wondering if Nagisa was fully paying attention with the way he couldn’t seem to stop fidgeting with the controller in his hands, “It’s affecting everyone else, you know.”   
  
Nagisa made a sound of acknowledgement and tapped the buttons harder.   
  
“It’s affecting Rei.”   
  
The screen paused, Nagisa tossed the controller down and pulled on the blanket, pulling his knees to his chest and covering them with colorful cotton. He put his head on his knees, shoulders tensing and shaking lightly.   
  
Vaguely, Rin remembered Gou’s orders.   
  
“Just go about it differently, alright?” Hesitantly, Rin got himself to throw an arm over Nagisa’s back and pulled him into a half-hug, “Ignoring him isn’t going to make it go away. It just makes it worse.”   
  
Nagisa peeked up at him, Rin sighed, “I would know.”   
  
Fortunately, there were no tears in the blond’s eyes. He was accented with pink, however, chest rising a bit too fast as he loosened up and sat with his back to the guest bed. There was slight hesitation before Nagisa leaned into Rin and quietly they sat in reflection.   
  
“I can’t tell him,” Nagisa bit his lip, fiddled with a loose string on his shirt, “Not yet. I _will_ , just not yet.”   
  
“Rei’s a good guy, he won’t leave, you know. He’s not going to be disgusted or yell at you or anything.”   
  
“But I’ll have to leave,” it was said so assuredly, Nagisa had clearly mulled over this before, “If he rejects me, I won’t be able to be around him for a while and that means not being around Haru-chan or Mako-chan.”   
  
His most treasured friends. Rin shifted for comfort, rested his arm on the small of Nagisa’s back and fell into a real embrace, “You can transfer to Samezuka.”  
  
Nagisa looked up, amusement dancing in his eyes.   
  
He shook his head, indulged himself, “There’s diets there though, and extra exercise. I love swimming but not that much.”   
  
“I’ll sneak you food,” Rin offered, fingers snaking over to mindlessly drum on Nagisa’s thigh, “You could probably sway Mikoshiba, he’s fond of cute things.”   
  
“And joint practices?”   
  
“We’ll cut your hair, change your name,” Rin moved his hand up to fluff the wisps of hair flicked off of Nagisa’s head, “Give you a tattoo or two, no one will know.”   
  
Nagisa laughed; sweet, small, rumbling in his chest. Rin realized how badly he missed it.  

“That’s Plan B, though,” Rin knocked a knuckle against the blond’s head, connected with Nagisa’s attentive gaze, “First you gotta try _something_.”  
  
Nagisa sighed, paused for thought then groaned and fell to rest on Rin’s shoulder. He nuzzled his head into Rin, “But it’s scary!”   
  
“Oi, you’re the one who’s responsible for him, aren’t you?”   
  
“Who told you that,” Nagisa blinked up at him, pouting but lively once more, “They’re a liar, don’t listen to them.”

“Come on, you’re the pushy one,” he shrugged his shoulder, Nagisa sat up and leaned against him regardless, “Starting a swim club is easy but flirting with a guy is hard?”   
  
“But it’s not just any guy! It’s Rei-chan,” his voice lessened on the name, fading into a meek almost-whisper, “Rei-chan deserves more than playful flirting or something.”  
  
“Then give him more!”   
  
“But what if it’s too much?”   
  
“ _You’re_ too much,” Rin nudged him, Nagisa made a whining sound, “Just think about it, okay? At least stop ignoring him.”   
  
The blanket unraveled as Nagisa spread out, sinking down into Rin’s lap and resting his head on the older boy’s thigh. He was quiet, presumably thinking now, and felt unbelievably warm to the touch.   
  
“Okay,” he agreed, reluctantly but still firm, “I’ll stop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Rin actually talks about his feelings. expect a lot of MakoHaru soon !  
> another super shout-out to dope beta [Oceanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania) and their ability to rake through the layers of pretty boy angst with a smile


	5. Terminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _adj. 1. of, forming, or situated at the end or extremity of something. 2. (of a disease) predicted to lead to death, especially slowly; incurable._

By the time the sun had set, Rin had decided that not only was he in a wanton television drama but also had struck a nerve with Mother Nature on account of the thickening clouds above. 

It had gone from a gentle sprinkling of mist to absolute downpour in a good 40 seconds flat and by the time he’d reached Haru’s front door, he was met with a faceful of harsh monsoon winds nearly blowing him off his feet. He proceeded to step forward anyway, knees wobbly and only kept from the ground on account of Makoto’s rush to shut the door.   
  
It was in the same vein that Rin had been volunteered to share a bed with Nagisa and stay the night. He peered through the water-streamed windows of Nagisa’s room into the darkening sky and wondered where he’d gone wrong. He must have done something to deserve all this; to be trapped in the humble home of his unrequited love and his boyfriend and their third-wheel little brother figure who refused to keep the noise down.  
  
“Rin-chan, come play!”   
  
The redhead huffed, fairly content in brooding about the window and watching streams of rain race over the glass. He had dissolved into downright moping as lists of worn metaphors washed through his head, something poetic and crushing that would easily crumble any viewers into tears.   
  
“Rin-chan, come on,” it was louder with a more trying whine, “I’ll let you pick the game and everything!”   
  
In ten minutes time, Rin would find out that ‘and everything’ had meant little more than picking the game _and_ the controller to play with. The variety of Haru’s video games were surprisingly aggressive, save for what must have been Makoto’s preferences with titles as mundane as ‘Cooking Mama’. He’d grabbed for a fighting game and tossed it to Nagisa.

The game was a welcome distraction from Rin’s jumble of frustrations, giving him a tangible reason to mumble angrily and shove Nagisa when his health bar dipped too low. It was a moment of fresh air and Rin found his chest feeling less compressed for the first time in days.

In the midst of a match, Nagisa took a moment to look over and smile warmly at Rin as his character took a blow to the gut, “Better?”   
  
Rin shrugged and gestured to the screen, allowing Nagisa to ignore him a bit in favor of the game. The blond gave him one last glance over before humming and diving back into the world of intense virtual combat.

Rin faintly noted to ask Gou what kind of games she liked to play.

  
  
  
  


Somehow, Rin had overlooked the conflict of dinner. 

The last few minutes of their competition involved a running gag of Nagisa tentatively glancing to the clock, of which Rin had chalked up to him using as a distraction. As it turns out, dinner was a routine event and Nagisa was the type to be punctual.

Predictably, Rin didn’t have to rush to claim a spot beside the blond, the other two had naturally dragged their seats out of arm’s reach but still within talking distance out of courtesy. Haru was across from him and was prone to bumping arms with Makoto, who sat to the right of Rin in yet another selfless act of feigning normalcy. Nagisa sat as the border (rather than bridge) between Rin and Haru and didn’t seem the least bit conscious of the stifling tension over the table.

Nagisa supplied idle chit-chat material, though his energy was subdued and flatter than it needed to be. The main course, earning another eye-roll of predictability, was mackerel with various sides likely suggested by a subtly domineering Makoto. 

In passing, Rin considered asking if Nagisa even liked mackerel, to which he decided might have been a waste of breath as the boy downed a good portion of his weight in the food offered. Haru honestly couldn’t have been granted with a better house guest.

“So, Rin,” Makoto spoke slowly, as if every word counted against him, “How are your studies?”   
  
Rin had to grip the table to stop himself from choking, “What are you, my mom?”   
  
“Eh, no,” the brunette shifted, eyes downcast as he tilted his head to look only to his own plate. He drew in a breath and shot a glance from Rin to Haru; possibly sending a message to his significant other.   
  
Rin stiffened and stabbed into his food, keeping his gaze focused more in Nagisa’s direction to calm his quickening heartbeat.   
  
Of course, Haru couldn’t stay out of it.   
  
“He’s just being polite,” the raven muttered and in the seconds to pass Rin knew this was a decision in the making. He didn’t have the patience to think this one out.  
  
“Nobody asked him to,” Rin spat back naturally, eyes trained solely on his food, “No one _ever_ asks him to.”   
  
“It’s expected; that’s how it is when you have _friends_.”   
  
This was a showdown and the tension was rising high. Rin grit his teeth, loosening his grip on his fork to let it clatter onto the table and rested his hands on his lap to keep from making a fatal mistake. He’d have to remain calm.   
  
He looked Haru in the eye and dropped words like daggers, “And what would you know about friends, Haruka?”  
  
That brought something of a twitch in Haru’s locked expression, though he was quick to pull himself together,“I know that you’re being a shitty one.”   
  
“ _I’m_ shitty?” The recoil was incredible; exasperation rumbling in Rin’s throat and choking any coherent thoughts. He roughly growled, pushing himself up onto his feet, “How am I being shitty, asshole?”   
  
“You’ve been snapping at people left and right-”   
  
“Gee, I _wonder_ why-”   
  
“I don’t care if you yell at me, just stop being a dick to Mako-”   
  
“Do you _listen_ to yourself?”   
  
“He didn’t do anything wrong!”   
  
Glaring, seething and perfectly symmetrical in their defense. Only inches apart, red in the face and panting in frustration - a part of Rin laughed bitterly, he’d always imagined the same image as the moment he’d dip forward and smash his lips against Haru’s.   
  
But seeing it now, knowing that the flustered anger of which Haru had embraced so naturally was all for Makoto, well - he was beaten. He had been trampled, crumbled into nothing and now, to make matters the absolute worst, his eyes were stinging and beginning to leak.   
  
The sight made Haru back down, he blinked and stepped back slowly. His eyes widened and maybe he had realized then how close they’d been. For a moment, Rin thanked the blurriness of tears from blocking out what must have been an apologetic look from Haru.   
  
“Rin,” hummed a voice so soft it felt like static, “Rin-chan?”   
  
He swallowed and closed his eyes. It wasn’t like anyone was surprised at this point. They had all known what happened to some extent, there was no use in pretending anymore. Of course, this revelation only pushed the tears harder and Rin had to suck in a breath to hopefully calm his shuddering body.   
  
Otherwise, there was silence to keep him company. He could practically feel Makoto’s guilty stare; Haru’s conflicted mix of apology and remaining defiance. Nagisa must have been lost or incredibly focused - he didn’t want to spare much of a glance.   
  
“Rin,” Haru’s voice again, not half as angry but still demanding, “We need to talk.”   
  
Rin shook his head, rubbed his eyes with whatever dignity he had left and brought his eyes back on Haru, “Seriously? So you can reject me some more?”   
  
“You know that’s not-”   
  
“Look, just,” he held up a hand, rubbed at his eyes again, “Just shut up, okay? Can you do that for me?”   
  
He was met with a quiet buzz followed by a determined stare from Haru. He held his breath as the raven moved forward, as gracefully as ever as he simply marched over to Rin and harshly grabbed him by the wrist to lead him out of the room. Rin gave him a half-hearted struggle, a bit of squirming that ended in utter defeat; his energy was drained and his mood was heavy, there was no resisting anymore.   
  
Once in Haru’s bedroom, the door slid closed and Haru turned to face him with a sigh. They exchanged glances, the unspoken courtesy of allowing the other to break the ice, before Haru decided that enough was enough already.   
  
“Rin, I-”   
  
“If you’re going to apologize you can save it. I’m tired of you guys being _‘so sorry’_ for me.”   
  
Haru swallowed, took a deep breath and tried again.   
  
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Haru fidgeted with the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt for a moment before locking eyes with Rin, “I wasn’t going to say anything until later, you know.”   
  
And it was pure honesty - unashamed but genuine in its guilty undertones. It was a breath of fresh air, to say the least. Haru was trusting him, baring it all without hesitation because it was the least he could do after Rin had broken down minutes ago. In such an act of honor, it was evident that Haru saw them as equals; two sides of one big picture and Rin, damn it all, still found such a strong part of him believing it to be something romantic.   
  
“You’re upset with me, and that’s fine. I understand,” how Haru managed to be so coolly collected but still dripping with emotion was a spectacle, “But Makoto isn’t the problem so stop treating him like he is.”   
  
It was tiring how his chest still thumped at that name. Rin shook his head, “You know what you’re asking of me, right?”   
  
“I’m asking you to get along for now. There are more important things to deal with than-,” he stopped himself, swallowed whatever word was coming next and dropped it, “Nagisa needs us.”   
  
“I know that, and I’m doing the best I can. But Makoto’s acting like there’s nothing wrong-”   
  
“Because you _told him to_ , Rin,” Haru shot back, “He’s trying to make you happy and you’re being a jerk.”   
  
“Okay, fine,” Rin huffed, crossed his arms and dropped onto Haru’s bed, “Just- how long?”   
  
Haru eyed him warily, “What?”  
  
“How long have you guys been a thing?” More demanding but quiet; scared.   
  
Haru paused and gave him a determining look. It was a question - _do you really want to know?_

Slowly, Rin gave him a sharp nod. Haru shifted and moved towards him, grabbing a chair and settling across from him.   
  
“A while,” he answered, “It’s been..almost a year.”   
  
“And the guys know?”   
  
“No,” he blinked, reconsidered, “Well, maybe. We never announced it or anything. It’s just implied.”   
  
Rin felt his stomach drop, of course, “It’s always been implied, idiot.”   
  
Haru shrugged, accepting.   
  
“It’s not like I hate him,” Rin admitted. His voice caught, eyes flickering up, “Or you.”   
  
The gaze that met his was too intimate, he decided. There was something lingering in the oceans of the eyes solely on him - gracing him with acute attention so overwhelming that he felt like he’d drown if he didn’t tear his eyes away. Looking to the floor, Rin pondered the chances of someone like Makoto being with someone like Haru.

He sighed, fingers curling into the sheets to create a fading memory; he’d always wondered how Haru’s bed would feel, if he’d first feel it on his back and bare skin, whether they’d be laughing or panting but flushed regardless in the stream of the overlooking window.   
  
But of course, dreams were dreams for a reason.   
  
“I need some time,” were the final words on the matter and Haru simply breathed them in, accepting and decided in his own manner.   
  
They returned to the sight of two pairs of eyes torn between reading and skimming the atmosphere. Rin took his seat beside Nagisa, who had taken to creating miniature fortresses of his food while wearing a neutral smile. Makoto looked tired.   
  
“If I’m bunking with you, you better eat,” Rin muttered to the blond, poking him in the ribs, “I’m not being woken up in the middle of the night because of your snacking.”   
  
Nagisa offered a quiet laugh and hummed, returning to properly eating despite still picking at his food. Hesitantly, Rin glanced to Makoto.   
  
His own gaze was downcast, first looking to his lap then to his plate. Slowly, he looked up to Haru and there was a heaviness between them; be it the thickness of the air or the weight with which Makoto could barely keep his head up. 

With a pang of something dreadful, Rin resolved to keep his mouth in check from now on.

  
  
  


 

The night was still freshly dark, the stars just barely blinking awake, yet it felt as if days had passed since the morning. It could be said with certainty that Nagisa was likely the only one that had eaten enough at dinner what with the commotion of the night and while Rin felt somewhat annoyed with himself and his rumbling stomach, he felt more strongly about the lighter weight on his shoulders.

Haru had kindly left him to his own devices and guided Makoto to his room without uttering  a single word. He spared but one glance to Rin, more-so out of habit when collecting the plates for cleanup, and ultimately kept himself at a fair distance from Rin’s general existence. Rin practically forgot that he was in _Haru’s_ house of all places.   
  
“Scoot,” he ordered, waving a hand at Nagisa’s spreadeagle pose over the bed, “You don’t take up much room anyway.”   
  
“Eh? You’re sleeping already?” Nagisa pouted and sat up, obediently sliding to the side of the bed pressed up against the wall as Rin took a seat, “But it’s a slumber party, Rin-chan!”   
  
“Sorry if I’m not in the mood to ‘party’,” Rin mumbled, lying back with arms folded behind his head and eyes shut, “It’s been kind of a rough night.”   
  
Nagisa was quiet but shifted into a criss-cross position, peering down at Rin with curiosity, “You never really talked about that, Rin-chan.”   
  
Rin took a moment to stare down Nagisa, take in his genuine concern and interest and weigh how much he had to lose at this point. Nagisa wasn’t the type to spill out anything he shouldn’t despite his talkative nature and he knew that they were irreversibly bonded whether he liked it or not; he was damned to a life of honesty with this kid.   
  
“You said it’s the same, but,” the blond trailed off, treading carefully, “That could mean a lot of things.”   
  
Rin blew out a breath, chest aching but dull and worn by now, “It’s the same with me and Haru.”   
  
When Nagisa simply blinked, he felt the need to clarify and started, “I-,” and when his throat caught, he forced it through, “I’m in love with him.”   
  
Nagisa stilled, silent as if mourning what could have been. Or perhaps it was fear, a winding in his gut that told him the reality that _he_ could be next, that this wasn’t an isolated incident. Rin shook his head - no, they weren’t the same, there had to be something different. While he may not be able to see it now, there was undoubtedly a difference between them.   
  
“It didn’t turn out well,” he summarized easily.

Nagisa made a small sound, between a hum and a shaky swallow, and Rin decided that guilt was definitely less of a feeling and more of a disease. He shook his head - because damn it, he had to get _something_ right today - and sat up, curling an arm around Nagisa’s shoulders.   
  
“Look, you’re a lot cuter than me, and a lot smarter with your words,” Rin nearly choked on the wide-eyed gaze Nagisa settled on him, puppy eyes shimmering under his praise, “And Rei - he’s nothing like Haru.  
  
“The way he looks at you,” and now it was a lump in his throat that choked him up but he swallowed, took a deep breath and pressed on because Nagisa needed him, “He looks at you like Makoto looks at Haru.”   
  
Without hesitation, Nagisa lunged forward; the warmth of his body as suffocating as the sudden brightness that surrounded his vision. Rin received a good eyeful of bouncy blond, fistfuls of a too-large pink shirt and two armfuls of a boy who was radiant.

“Rin-chan, you’re so nice to me,” he gave the older a squeeze, nuzzling his head into his shoulder, “Those scary teeth are definitely just for show!”   
  
Rin scoffed, lifted an arm and rubbed a fist against Nagisa’s head, “Don’t push your luck, kid.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear there's Actual Reigisa coming up, Rin just needed to clear his head a bit and then the fluff will pile so high you'll forget there was ever angst in this fic ! also i'm getting back into the flow of writing Rin but also am really into Haikyuu!! so i can't promise when the next chapter will be up but i _can_ promise some fun volleyball fanfic coming soon ! thanks for reading and any feedback, holla at me [beta](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/works)


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